Parenting HELP!

I was thinking back, when my twin boys were born, the nurses kept telling me to ask for help if I needed it.  I felt pretty good after the boys were born and while we were still in the hospital, the nurses urged us to utilize their help while we were there. 

The nurses finally convinced me to take the babies to the nursery for a quick nap, but they were back in 15 minutes, hungry.  I felt so guilty after they took them to the nursery, I couldn’t ask for help after that.  And besides that, we were only there for 2 days.   

My time in the hospital, I felt like I was in a race.  I didn’t really get what people meant by, “Get your rest before they are born!”  I felt rushed and panicked.  It felt like everything I did was in fast forward. 

We were sent home sooner than I had anticipated.  I didn’t feel ready.  I mean, who does?  We were on our way to the car to go home & the nurse said, “don’t forget, if you need help – ask for it”. 

Then, the day came.  I had felt pretty confident about things up until then.  I think the boys were just probably starting to pull up on furniture and “cruise”.  You know…the time that they start falling into everything.  I felt like I was constantly deciding who was about to have a softer fall and who I should catch.  Anyway, I needed help.  I was at my wits end and wasn’t feeling 100% that day.  I remembered what the nurses said: “Ask for help”.

My first thought was, what do I do?  The nurses said to ask for help – but who am I supposed to ask?!?  Everyone was busy working and I didn’t have anyone else.  The nurses didn’t give me a “help line” number, or brochure on who to call.  It wasn’t an emergency.  I knew about the breastfeeding support the hospital told me about – but I was good in that department. 

Plain and simple; I just needed help.  I needed someone to commiserate with.  I needed advice from a real person who had or was going through what I was going through.  I would have gone some place with the boys to be with other parents, but I didn’t know of a place, and the mall wasn’t that “place” for my babies.  Like many new moms, I was horrified of dirt and germs, and worried about the hot sun and their sensitive skin.   (This was one of the many reasons ‘Cool Beans Playhouse & Café’ came about!)

I was lucky and had my Mom nearby to help me the next day.   I needed a break after my day of just pure stress, feeling awful and then sorry for myself and I was grateful she helped me. 

It was hellish and I felt like a bad mom.  Did all parents go through this?  Was it just me?
Was this a one-time thing?  What would I do if I had another stressful day where I didn't feel like I could make it?  Was this it?  I just work through the day, suffering with no light at the end of the tunnel?

I am a part of the local multiples club - we help support each other, offer tips, advice, share stories, we share what works and what doesn't and so much more.  I've always wondered what parents of 'singletons' do.  I feel like I have been so lucky to have this group. 

We talk about potty training, transitioning beds, breastfeeding, movies, we share recipes, scrapbooking tips, you name it.  Its a great resource!

Of course, I still have those (what I like to call) "moments".  Those times where you feel like you just might lose your mind or flip out on your poor children.  When at the time, you aren't thinking they are so innocent.  I wish I could say I was the perfect parent who didn't let her children get to her, but I'm not.  No one is perfect right?  But I know when I do have a "moment", I have a village I can talk to about it now. 

What do people do when they need help and their loved ones are away at work or worse, far away?  Who do they go to?  I know I there were times I could have used some extra help. 

With that being said; we are putting together a Parenting Support Group at Cool Beans Playhouse.  If you feel like you need some additional support and could use the advice of other parents, please join us!  The group will be led by our resident adviser and Parenting Coach, Jennifer Pedersen.  Sign up at the front desk at Cool Beans Playhouse & Café, with days and times that work best for you.  I look forward to learning more from my peers.  What works for one parent, may not work for another, so the bigger the group the more support!

Love is in the air...isn't it?

I was at Cool Beans Playhouse the other day, picking up toys and chatting with one of the moms.  She told me she needed to get home soon, so that she could get ready for their 'date night'.

What is that?!?

Most therapists agree, couples should schedule dates to keep their marriage strong.  And not just for Anniversaries or the upcoming Hallmark Holiday, AKA:  Valentines Day; but at least once/month.
And do I have to say it?  Without children, people. 

My husband and I are guilty of trading out our date nights for couples nights with friends.  We don't get a lot of opportunities to have date nights', but when we do, we feel like we need to go out with our friends and catch up - maybe even create a little mayhem and blow off steam - or play board games, which is probably more our speed.  (hahaha...) 

I know several people who have told me that they are not lucky enough to even get a night out - not even once.  This makes me feel very lucky to have the opportunity to go out without our kids - even if it IS once or the sometimes lucky, twice a quarter (give or take). 

Like most people these days, it is hard to have enough reason to cough up money and 'splurge' on ourselves.

We have good excuses:  we have to pay a sitter, find a sitter (*exhausting*), spend money on food and drinks, and then pay for the activity of our choice (where we typically end up talking about our boys). Of course, the movies are out, since it seems like it costs $20/person any more.

Which leads me to another question, "What else is there, besides dinner & drinks?"  We feel we might as well stay home and save at least $50.  We think about how we could be spending that money on the kids - maybe to take them to do something fun like the circus or take them to the museum - it is just frustrating and stressful.  Its easier to just toss 'date night' to the side & be practical.   Lets face it.  Our marriages suffer by doing this!

When I 'googled' date night and marriages, I found all types of suggestions.  I figure since we are all mostly in the same area, we might benefit from different ideas about what to do in our towns and maybe offer deals you know about.  Does your favorite restaurant have 1/2 off drink nights?  What about babysitters - where did you find your best babysitter?. 

I will begin with my one suggestion that can be done in any town, AND without a sitter:

Put the kids to bed & have a night without the TV and just be together.  Enjoy a carpet picnic with dinner, light candles & share the details of your day. 

Sounds romantic, doesn't it?

With all of that being said, what are some of your suggestions for 'date nights'?  I have a few, but they aren't always practical for everyone.  Like climbing into bubble bath drawn in a giant claw tub with your partner in crime.  I don't have that tub, but it would be cooler if I did.  (In other words, not practical.)


How do you schedule 'date night'?  What are the rules - are there rules? 

Can't wait to read about your suggestions!




   

A New Year - A New You?

As parents, we want the best for our children, but tend to forget ourselves.  I’ve been thinking about New Years Resolutions and about whether or not, parents of young children should even consider making resolutions.   

It’s not like we’re not under enough pressure every single day.  Why do we need the added pressure of having resolutions to meet?

We already work hard and strive to make sure our kids are not watching too much television (if any), eat the right foods, drink enough fluids, change diapers, potty train, pay the bills, clean, cook, do laundry, the list goes on and on…not to mention, just keeping everyone alive!  No pressure, right?

Why on earth do we need to make resolutions?  For me, it keeps me in check.  I like to feel organized, surrounded by checklists.  I think I get this from my Mom.  We both love to strike things off a long list of “to do” items.  What a great feeling!

Before I write out my checklist, I ask myself questions, like: 

• ‘Am I doing everything I want to do in my life?’
• ‘Am I working toward any goals and have I met my goals from last year?’
• ‘Am I happy?’
• ‘Can I do anything to make my life richer?’

Then I make my list of what I want to accomplish throughout the year.  I try to have only a few, but my list typically grows.  If I put down too many goals, I can’t keep track and forget the whole list all together.  I try to add things that are more or less, fun.  I write down ideas for family trips, when to take time off, things to do in 2011 (events), and even some not so fun things, like cleaning out the basement. 

I realize I may sound a little narcissistic with all of these questions directed at myself.  But in my opinion, we need to ask and direct these questions to ourselves in order to feel healthy, stay strong, positive, happy and be able to share those uplifting feelings with our children.  We need to take care of ourselves first, so that we can take care of others in the best way we know how.  Not to mention, be a positive role model.

I like to think of it as a domino effect.  If I’m happy, maybe it will rub off onto others, like my family, friends and hopefully, our customers!

So this year, I have the same goals – I have the same excuses that I’ve had in the past about why I have not achieved these goals, but I am not going to beat myself up.  The obstacles that I had in the past are just that – obstacles in the past.  Time to look forward to a great future and time to dive right into those goals!